January Warmth

     My 34th Birthday is not one I care to remember.  Ronan had been delivered just a few days before and Reese and I had just barely begun our attempts to cope with his passing.  Yet I do remember the wish I made as I blew out the candles on the cake Reese and my mother had procured.  So here I am, one year older and so thankful that the wish has come true.  I made a new wish this evening which I've got a year to see if it will take form as well.  I used to not like having a January birthday.  It just seemed like it followed Christmas too closely and it would be a long time until it came around again.  However, I was a child then and now I feel blessed to have been born during the first month of the year.  I have been given the opportunity to experience nearly the entire year as a newly aged man and make the most of my current age.  Add to this that both of my children have January birthdays and it makes the month even more special in my eyes.  I welcome the joy and the heartache future Januaries are sure to bring me.  This month serves to strengthen me like none other.

Three weeks ago..

...you made your mother and I the happiest couple ever sequestered in an operating room.  After almost a year that consisted of many hopeless, tear-filled and fearful days, you arrived and brought a tsunami of joy with you.  I am so thankful for you and feel warmness in what I thought was my frozen over heart whenever I stare into your newborn eyes.  Even though I have to return to work tomorrow, know that you and your mother will be on my mind every second of the nine hours I'll be away.  Be a good girl for mom and your Darlin', but save all of your exuberance for daddy.

Happy Birthday...

     You would be one-year-old today.  I thought about you all day, looking into the face of your younger sister and wondering what it would be like to care for you both.  If only that cruel genetic anomaly hadn't stolen you away from me, I may have known what that felt like.  I love you so much and constantly wish you could be here with the rest of us even though I know that can never be.  I hope I can give your sister the care and impart the knowledge on her that I am unable to give to you.  Give me the strength and courage to do that, my son.