Fear not...

Dear Selkie,

     I just wanted you to know how much I love you.  Over the past seven weeks, I've watched you endure great pain, conquer paralyzing fear and emerge with the greatest sense of joy I've ever known you to have.  I am so proud to have you as my wife.  Even though you return to the workplace tomorrow, it will be comforting to know that you will be on her mind and in her heart.  My wish for you is that your day flies by quickly and that we are all safely reunited tomorrow afternoon.  Sleep soundly...   

Dr. Mom???

     Slowly but surely, news of my departure is spreading among my coworkers.  A few days ago, a guy who I consider a friend addressed me as "Dr. Mom."  Let me get this straight, I am neither a doctor nor a mom.  As politely as possible, I informed him that I would soon be a stay at home dad and reminded him that he would still have to work with me for six more days.  He changed the subject and became overly friendly real quick.   It seems like my female coworkers are a lot more capable of stringing the words stay, at, home and dad together.  Maybe it's not that big a deal.  I'm the one who's getting out of that accursed place and doing what I want to, right?  Heck, this same friend told me he would have stayed at home with his son if he was given the chance.  Maybe he'll be lucky enough to be addressed as Dr. Mom someday down the road.

Wouldn't it be nice?

     I have loved video games for a very long time.  Alas, there is not much time to devote to them currently.  I've really been thinking about digging out my Game Boy Advance and revisiting Power Quest from the Game Boy Color days.  About fifteen minutes should satisfy the current withdrawal symptoms I'm experiencing.  I guess this video will have to hold me until I can find fifteen minutes where I'm not working, eating, sleeping, holding Radha, blogging...you get the picture.

A Sense of Not Belonging

     I thought that I belonged there.  I was there right before the darkest time in my life and I returned there two weeks after Ronan passed away.  I stayed there all throughout 2008, not because I liked the job but because there was absolutely no desire for change in my life.  As Radha's birth drew nearer, the last thing on my mind was finding a new job.  Now I've been there just shy of fourteen months.  Since returning post-Radha's birth, my co-workers have been quite friendly...congratulating me and asking to see pictures.  Most of these people offered words of sympathy when I returned following Ronan's passing.  However, I still feel like I don't belong there anymore and that my skills are better used elsewhere.  I'll find out if I'm right soon enough.

January Warmth

     My 34th Birthday is not one I care to remember.  Ronan had been delivered just a few days before and Reese and I had just barely begun our attempts to cope with his passing.  Yet I do remember the wish I made as I blew out the candles on the cake Reese and my mother had procured.  So here I am, one year older and so thankful that the wish has come true.  I made a new wish this evening which I've got a year to see if it will take form as well.  I used to not like having a January birthday.  It just seemed like it followed Christmas too closely and it would be a long time until it came around again.  However, I was a child then and now I feel blessed to have been born during the first month of the year.  I have been given the opportunity to experience nearly the entire year as a newly aged man and make the most of my current age.  Add to this that both of my children have January birthdays and it makes the month even more special in my eyes.  I welcome the joy and the heartache future Januaries are sure to bring me.  This month serves to strengthen me like none other.

Three weeks ago..

...you made your mother and I the happiest couple ever sequestered in an operating room.  After almost a year that consisted of many hopeless, tear-filled and fearful days, you arrived and brought a tsunami of joy with you.  I am so thankful for you and feel warmness in what I thought was my frozen over heart whenever I stare into your newborn eyes.  Even though I have to return to work tomorrow, know that you and your mother will be on my mind every second of the nine hours I'll be away.  Be a good girl for mom and your Darlin', but save all of your exuberance for daddy.

Happy Birthday...

     You would be one-year-old today.  I thought about you all day, looking into the face of your younger sister and wondering what it would be like to care for you both.  If only that cruel genetic anomaly hadn't stolen you away from me, I may have known what that felt like.  I love you so much and constantly wish you could be here with the rest of us even though I know that can never be.  I hope I can give your sister the care and impart the knowledge on her that I am unable to give to you.  Give me the strength and courage to do that, my son.