Two Months After Two Years

 Though Henry is too young to have a motto, I'm pretty certain that his has been "full steam ahead" since becoming a two-year-old.  I honestly do not know how I keep up with my boy and I humbly admit that I am not able to do it 24/7.  Thankfully, there are other members of this household who are prepared to step in when my aging locomotive self derails.  My boy is probably not much different than other boys his age: he runs, climbs, jumps, throws toys, pushes boundaries and wants very little to do with mealtimes.  He is vastly different at this age than Radha  was, though, and that's not a bad thing at all.  I'm constantly being reminded that each kid is different and that has to be what keeps a father bringing his A-game.

Thinking back on his birthday party, reminds me how different raising him has been.  Halloween is most certainly a time of frenzied activity for children (and their parents).  How could it not be, with the opportunities for dressing up and setting out to claim as much candy as possible?  Fitting in a birthday celebration and the required watching of "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" on top of that just meant later bedtimes for the whole family.  The excitement and joy on my children's faces was entirely worth it, though.

At this point, I'm willing to admit that my children are aging too fast.  Radha will be five-years-old tomorrow, and we will surely be reflecting more on our time with Ronan in the weeks ahead.  Shortly after that, a whole new chapter in my journey will begin as the second digit of my age resets to zero.  I started this year thinking how it was my faith and positive thinking that really pulled me through the toughest obstacles that I faced last year, and I would definitely be doing myself a favor by ensuring that those two armaments remain by my side as I will surely require them again.  "Loving my kids, loving my wife, loving my life" is going to be my motto going forwrd.  Here's to a new year of hope and possibilities for my family and myself.

The Last Days of Summer

Tomorrow, Radha will be starting her second year of preschool.  As I prepare for all of the excitement and challenges that arrive alongside another year of learning, I'd like to take a few minutes to reflect back on what a wonderful time my family enjoyed this past summer.  While not able to take many trips with Radha and I last year, Henry has quickly grown into a little daredevil who refuses to be left behind.  It was obvious that he instinctively knew when a trip to the playground was planned by grabbing his shoes and running toward me while anxiously repeating, "Owtdoo!"  I was so happy to be able to take him along on these trips and watch as he showed off his never give up attitude and physical abilities while interacting with other children.

While our travel plans were restricted due to changes at Reese's job, our family did have the opportunity to journey to Virginia and stay with her aunt and uncle.  The kids had plenty of fun in the sun and I rode on a jet ski for the very first time (and received my very first jet ski related injury) while visiting their house at Lake Anna.  We also got to take the kids to the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History and the National Air and Space Museum Udvar-Hazy Center.  While not quite prepared to grasp all of the information thrown at them regarding the evolutions of our planet and our nation's aviation history, I think that they both benefited and hopefully gained some appreciation of these attractions.  Locally, the various trips to libraries and a favorite water park/swimming pool rounded out our summer of fun.  As a final hurrah, we took the kids to visit a local railroad where we got to ride on one of the oldest locomotives still in operation and visit with Clifford the Big Red Dog.

As can be expected, there is always a bit of trepidation with the beginning of a new school year.  I know that I should make the best use of that extra time that I'll have four days a week.  It all depends on my time management skills, which I must admit are not the best.  I'll be working to improve them starting with my early rise tomorrow.  Time moves faster and faster with each passing year.  I want to spend those valuable minutes wisely.

The Noble Acts

A lot has happened since that day five years ago when I became the father who would not be able to take his son home from the hospital.  We've grown as a family, yet we will always be one member short.  In the past, this day is usually marked by quiet pensiveness but that's not so much the case anymore.  It's times like these when I am most grateful that I have two kids whose boundless energy won't let me sit down and get lost in sadness.  Even though caring for Radha and Henry limits the time for personal reflection, there are still moments where I wonder how different my life would be were Ronan here with us.  It's impossible to know but I am at peace when imagining such scenarios.  It's proof enough that I should not be saddened by his memory.  He was my son and he is so dearly loved no matter the short amount of time we had with him.

This year, in honor of Ronan's memory, Reese organized a book drive to benefit the local library here in Beavercreek as well as the one in her hometown in Texas.  We're fortunate to have so many friends who have donated books and funds that the libraries will use to purchase other titles.  Each book will contain an inscribed plate noting that it was donated in Ronan's memory.  I am certain that the children reading these books will surely gain a lasting benefit and I can think of no better way of honoring my son than that.  It's times like this that I take note of the noble acts that arise from tragedy.

If there's anything that I've learned by watching my own father, it's that the challenges of fatherhood don't get any easier with age.  My driving goal in life is to be the very best father I can for the two children here with me, no matter their--or my--age.  May Ronan's memory alway strengthen and encourage me in this goal.  I love you, my first born son.

Four Years In

My Radha celebrated her fourth birthday just a few short weeks ago.  The occasion was marked by a small party at home with a few of Reese's co-workers in attendance.  Reese really outdid herself by preparing a wonderful Italian wedding soup and a lemon cake with strawberry frosting, decorated with Max and Ruby on top.  The following weekend, a grand celebration took place at The Magic Castle (a local amusement center) with some of Radha's preschool classmates and other friends in attendance.  There, she was anointed "Queen Radha" and she and her loyal subjects spent a few hours having fun by climbing and sliding through the soft play area and racking up tickets from several redemption games.  I was happy to discover that the soft play area was large enough for me to enjoy as well.  Climbing up and down that structure for an hour turned out to be quite the workout!

As would be expected, another year brings a whole new set of challenges.  Lately, Reese and I have been challenging Radha to engage in more "big girl" behaviors such as not waking us up in the middle of the night after she uses the bathroom.  She has been handling them well, with slight reluctance.  I continue to be so thankful that she loves going to school and has made some good friends there.  That's one thing that I hope will continue throughout her entire schooling journey.  There is no doubt that the challenges of being a parent have increased--especially now that Henry is mobile--but I gladly accept what each new day brings, considering how great the rewards are.  I am so very grateful to have both of these children in my life and as we close in on the fifth anniversary of our first son's passing, it makes me realize even more what a blessing Radha is and how much my soul was healed upon her arrival.  May her joyful, curious, humorous, "can't stop for a second" personality continue to motivate me to provide her with growing opportunities all year long.  I love you, my sweet girl!

A Truly Amazing First

Today marks the occasion of Henry's first birthday.  It's quite interesting when a birthday coincides with Halloween.  Seeing as how this was his first birthday, and he didn't care much about its theme,  Reese and I decked the house out with both Halloween and  birthday decorations.  It's not often that you will see a "Happy Birthday!" balloon floating right next to one of a giant ghost!  Henry was dressed as a fireman (again, not that he had much say in that choice) and Radha was costumed as Lulu the Ladybug Girl from one of her favorite book series.  Fortunately, my mother and father traveled here from Texas to celebrate alongside of us and many of Reese's coworkers attended and brought gifts for our boy.  It was great to see the younger children dressed in costume as it added even more excitement to the festivities.

It now seems so long ago that I first heard the news that Reese and I would be expecting another son.  At first, I was inundated with worry remembering what had befallen our Ronan and not quite sure if the parenting style I had adopted with Radha could be adapted to raising a son.  That is all in the past now and I can't imagine what it would be like not having Henry in my life for the past year.  Though it is a scant period of time in the grand scheme of things, it has been amazing in terms of what I have seen him achieve.  Once he began accomplishing his early feats, he refused to slow down.  From being able to feed himself to crawling to creeping and testing himself to see how long he can stand for, this child just refuses to stop for a rest.  I can already sense his thirst for adventure and can almost hear him asking permission to take part in many character defining opportunities in the future.  Even though I had some opportunities for adventure in my youth, I lacked the emotional maturity to fully appreciate and learn from them.  You can bet that I will be ratcheting up my courage so that I can be right there by my son's side and doing a little character defining for myself. Happy birthday, my son!  I love you dearly and look forward to witnessing and praising your future accomplishments!  You are most certainly proof that even the youngest amongst us can inspire an elder to greatness.

The Unofficial End of Summer

Tomorrow morning, Radha starts preschool.  The last three-and-a-half years flashed before my eyes earlier tonight and the realization that she is about to embark on her public schooling journey was enough to bring me to tears.  Of course, there are several upsides to this.  The foremost being that I will get to spend more time with Henry on the mornings that she attends class.  At least it will be another three years before I have to face this again.  Good luck, Radha.  I know that you won't be missing me as much as I will you but that's okay.  I know that you'll be having too much fun to think about such things.  That's the way it's supposed to be.

Over the Last Four Years...

I think about how far Reese and I have come since that day, four years ago. We have a beautiful and extremely lively three-year-old daughter and a handsome nearly three-month-old son who is just now starting to show us glimpses of his personality. As wonderful as it is having them both in my life, Ronan is still every bit as missed as he was since we received the news that we would not be bringing a new baby boy home from the hospital. No child can ever be replaced, especially your first born. I try my best to draw strength from that event. Always doing my best to think of Ronan, and the missed opportunities with him, when the stresses brought on by caring for my other two children seem insurmountable. Though I never heard his voice speak a word, he imparted upon me the desire to be the very best father that I can be to my children (though I often feel that I fall short of that). I am eternally grateful and in your debt for challenging me to give my best to your sister and brother, my dearest Ronan. You are forever loved and always remembered.