The Noble Acts

A lot has happened since that day five years ago when I became the father who would not be able to take his son home from the hospital.  We've grown as a family, yet we will always be one member short.  In the past, this day is usually marked by quiet pensiveness but that's not so much the case anymore.  It's times like these when I am most grateful that I have two kids whose boundless energy won't let me sit down and get lost in sadness.  Even though caring for Radha and Henry limits the time for personal reflection, there are still moments where I wonder how different my life would be were Ronan here with us.  It's impossible to know but I am at peace when imagining such scenarios.  It's proof enough that I should not be saddened by his memory.  He was my son and he is so dearly loved no matter the short amount of time we had with him.

This year, in honor of Ronan's memory, Reese organized a book drive to benefit the local library here in Beavercreek as well as the one in her hometown in Texas.  We're fortunate to have so many friends who have donated books and funds that the libraries will use to purchase other titles.  Each book will contain an inscribed plate noting that it was donated in Ronan's memory.  I am certain that the children reading these books will surely gain a lasting benefit and I can think of no better way of honoring my son than that.  It's times like this that I take note of the noble acts that arise from tragedy.

If there's anything that I've learned by watching my own father, it's that the challenges of fatherhood don't get any easier with age.  My driving goal in life is to be the very best father I can for the two children here with me, no matter their--or my--age.  May Ronan's memory alway strengthen and encourage me in this goal.  I love you, my first born son.

Four Years In

My Radha celebrated her fourth birthday just a few short weeks ago.  The occasion was marked by a small party at home with a few of Reese's co-workers in attendance.  Reese really outdid herself by preparing a wonderful Italian wedding soup and a lemon cake with strawberry frosting, decorated with Max and Ruby on top.  The following weekend, a grand celebration took place at The Magic Castle (a local amusement center) with some of Radha's preschool classmates and other friends in attendance.  There, she was anointed "Queen Radha" and she and her loyal subjects spent a few hours having fun by climbing and sliding through the soft play area and racking up tickets from several redemption games.  I was happy to discover that the soft play area was large enough for me to enjoy as well.  Climbing up and down that structure for an hour turned out to be quite the workout!

As would be expected, another year brings a whole new set of challenges.  Lately, Reese and I have been challenging Radha to engage in more "big girl" behaviors such as not waking us up in the middle of the night after she uses the bathroom.  She has been handling them well, with slight reluctance.  I continue to be so thankful that she loves going to school and has made some good friends there.  That's one thing that I hope will continue throughout her entire schooling journey.  There is no doubt that the challenges of being a parent have increased--especially now that Henry is mobile--but I gladly accept what each new day brings, considering how great the rewards are.  I am so very grateful to have both of these children in my life and as we close in on the fifth anniversary of our first son's passing, it makes me realize even more what a blessing Radha is and how much my soul was healed upon her arrival.  May her joyful, curious, humorous, "can't stop for a second" personality continue to motivate me to provide her with growing opportunities all year long.  I love you, my sweet girl!

A Truly Amazing First

Today marks the occasion of Henry's first birthday.  It's quite interesting when a birthday coincides with Halloween.  Seeing as how this was his first birthday, and he didn't care much about its theme,  Reese and I decked the house out with both Halloween and  birthday decorations.  It's not often that you will see a "Happy Birthday!" balloon floating right next to one of a giant ghost!  Henry was dressed as a fireman (again, not that he had much say in that choice) and Radha was costumed as Lulu the Ladybug Girl from one of her favorite book series.  Fortunately, my mother and father traveled here from Texas to celebrate alongside of us and many of Reese's coworkers attended and brought gifts for our boy.  It was great to see the younger children dressed in costume as it added even more excitement to the festivities.

It now seems so long ago that I first heard the news that Reese and I would be expecting another son.  At first, I was inundated with worry remembering what had befallen our Ronan and not quite sure if the parenting style I had adopted with Radha could be adapted to raising a son.  That is all in the past now and I can't imagine what it would be like not having Henry in my life for the past year.  Though it is a scant period of time in the grand scheme of things, it has been amazing in terms of what I have seen him achieve.  Once he began accomplishing his early feats, he refused to slow down.  From being able to feed himself to crawling to creeping and testing himself to see how long he can stand for, this child just refuses to stop for a rest.  I can already sense his thirst for adventure and can almost hear him asking permission to take part in many character defining opportunities in the future.  Even though I had some opportunities for adventure in my youth, I lacked the emotional maturity to fully appreciate and learn from them.  You can bet that I will be ratcheting up my courage so that I can be right there by my son's side and doing a little character defining for myself. Happy birthday, my son!  I love you dearly and look forward to witnessing and praising your future accomplishments!  You are most certainly proof that even the youngest amongst us can inspire an elder to greatness.

"Three. That's the Magic Number."

For almost a week now, I have been the father of a three-year-old. My little girl is growing fast. All of the cliches are true. Children really do grow up overnight. It's funny how I never really notice how far along she's come until right after celebrating her birthday. Her vocabulary and interests seem more developed than those of other children, her age, that we often meet at the various parks and playgrounds we visit. I'm certain that some people would refer to her as an "old soul" based on her likes. For instance, in the several weeks leading up to her birthday, she insisted that she wanted a Charlie Brown cake to celebrate the occasion. I attribute this to the fact that she alternated watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving," "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and "I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown" non-stop for the last two months of 2011. Of all things for a then two-year-old to become enamored with, I would have never imagined it to be Charles Schulz's beloved "Peanuts" characters. I told her that was a good thing, since her grandparents are partial to those characters she would be more likely to receive gifts featuring them.

This birthday was extra special considering it was the first her little brother was present for. While the focus was squarely on her, it was nice to see him dressed up for the occasion and being cradled by all of our friends who showed up for the party. Our children are loved, and not just by us. That much is evident. It is a really special feeling to know that other people are delighted to see Reese and I as parents and to be congratulated for being so. I missed her grandparents not being here to celebrate alongside us, but that was expected considering we live such great distances apart now. Perhaps next year they'll live closer to us.

With everything that has come along with being three, I can only imagine what she'll have accomplished by the time she turns four. I hope that it doesn't get here too quickly. We've got a lot to discover together and the window for being three is small (those windows just get smaller with age). I believe that those discoveries made when magic is still magical are the ones that stick with you forever. Here's hoping that 2012 brings nothing but magic.

So this is Christmas?

Late Christmas Eve, Reese and I were bringing our tradition of last minute gift arranging to a close. When we finally decided to call it a night around 11:20 pm, we quietly ascended the stairs only to find Radha wide awake and standing up in her crib. Fortunately for us, she was lulled back to sleep within an hour and I was finally ready to settle down for my "long winter's nap".

December 25, 2009. This would be the Christmas. The one where I got the chance to live vicariously through Radha and see what it's like to experience it all for the first time. In all honesty, I like to take it easy on Christmas Day. The more time spent at home and the less spent in the car traveling to see relatives, the better. It didn't take long for me to start believing that I will probably never see a Christmas Day like that again. The sudden obligation I felt to ensure that every relative gets to see my daughter, especially on her first Christmas, quickly swept away any delusional, selfish Christmas Day wants I had. The day consisted of quickly showering first thing, opening gifts at our home, eating a quick breakfast, going to my parents' house to open gifts, speeding back home to pack for our trip, driving two hours to my father-in-law's house, eating a very good dinner with lots of in-laws, opening gifts with my in-laws (which took a while since every child gets to open gifts solo with everyone else's attention focused on him/her) and finally settling down for the night. I'm not going to lie...the whole day put my endurance to the test. In the closing minutes, I was able to add up all of the surprised looks and smiles I had witnessed throughout the day and decided it had definitely been worth the testing.

One thing I discovered over the past weekend is that there is nothing quite like Christmas and the end of the current year that makes me realize just how much Radha has grown up. Her new toys, mainly the Fisher-Price role-play and play set stuff, really allowed me to see how many skills she has developed over this past year. She took such an interest in a tea set she received that her and I played with for what seemed like hours. By Sunday, she was pouring pretend tea from the talking teapot into the purple, plastic teacups and then lifting a cup to her mouth. She is growing up. There is nothing I can do to halt that, but now I realize just how rewarding watching these stages go by can be.

As expected, the holiday could not be all sunshine and lollipops. At Christmas Eve service, Reese put an offering into the collection plate where she had written Ronan's name in the blank beside the "In memory of" line. This immediately brought tears to both of our sets of eyes but Radha's high pitched chirp during the offertory music relieved us of prolonging our sadness. We also visited Reese's grandmother during the weekend who is recovering in a nursing home from a stroke she suffered back in October. Even with her limited communication skills she seemed very happy to see us, especially Radha who, thankfully, did not cry the entire length of the visit.

We returned home Sunday night, wiped out yet again. Radha went to sleep fairly quickly. Reese and I were thankful for a few moments of time together before real life commenced in a few short hours. We had survived our first Christmas with our daughter. Now we are preparing for her first Birthday celebration. We should be able to catch our breaths between now and then.

Farewell Kevin...

Kevin,

     I heard that you passed away on April 5, 2009 at the entirely too young age of 35.  Thinking back, I remember that time you picked on me in our seventh grade English class and Greg Ledbetter stepped in on my behalf.  I didn't hate you for it though.  There are a few good memories, like that time in '88 when Columbus got one of those random, freak ice storms and my mom's car got stuck in the slush right across from your parents' house.  You offered to help us get it out.  I haven't forgotten the ribbing you gave me when the Dodgers got knocked out of the '91 MLB Playoffs, either.  Can't say I didn't deserve it with the way I was running my mouth in the middle of Braves Nation though.  Anyway man, I know you have a wife and two young children who are missing you more than their hearts can stand it right now.  I've prayed for them every night since I heard the news.  I read your obituary, and it sounded like you lived a full life in the short time you were here.  That's all any of us can ask for in the end. Congratulations on all you achieved.  I hope there are plenty of mud bogs in Heaven.